It takes time to work through the process of a break-up, especially when you truly loved that person. It’s easy to gloss over negative aspects of the relationship (or either partner) that contributed to the break-up. But, if you do not see things clearly, you’ll mourn the “loss” of the concept of the relationship or its “potential” based on only the good things you experienced. Tempting as this may be, it is crucial to take time and look at the relationship as a whole to understand what was not working. Only when you know what needs were not being met and what dynamics of the relationship were not working, will you know if it is either wise or possible to reconcile with a greater chance of success or move on.
If at some point in the future you decide to get back together, keep in mind you are entering a new relationship. The old relationship that ended in a break-up did so for a reason (or many) and remains in the past. You now have the challenging task of recognizing and learning from your mistakes and avoiding them in the future. Going forward you’ll need to be careful not to fall back on old habits or become unrealistic in your expectations of your partner or your new relationship. You cannot control anyone’s behavior other than your own. Take it slowly and create new ways to relate and communicate to create a healthier and more satisfying relationship.
Morning a loss of any significance takes time and consideration. But, taking your time, instead of jumping into a new relationship, allows you to learn about yourself and why your relationship did not last. It also enables you to better recognize your wants and needs in a future relationship. Every relationship is a rich learning ground. How you relate and react to different situations reveals a great deal about you and your partner. You partner acts as a mirror of both your positive and negative qualities. If you can avoid being defensive, and give consideration to their views as well as your own observations, you’ll appreciate your highly valued traits and gain valuable insight into your challenges, that if addressed, will enable you to avoid similar pitfalls in the future.
The demise of a relationship is rarely one-sided. Forgiveness of self and other are of critical importance in moving on and avoiding any “baggage” you could carry with you into the next relationship. Blame will keep you stuck and yields no positive outcome. Take responsibility for things you have identified that you could improve on and do so for your own well-being. Your next relationship will benefit from your positive insights and growth.
One thing to keep in mind after a break-up is that not every relationship is true love. People enter relationships for many reasons other than finding true love. People value companionship and it is often easier and more enjoyable to share life with someone even if it is not truly fulfilling. Unless you’ve had the good fortune to find that one person that resonates with you on every level, you may be tempted to settle for a good companion that meets some of your needs. Unfortunately, some people feel pressured to remain in a relationship by family or friends for a variety of reasons. Others settle for even a bad relationship rather than face life alone. And at worst, people will even stay in an unhealthy relationships rather than deal with their own challenges. Over time most of these types of relationships usually suffer due to the lack of a healthy foundation or a lack of love or passion. But in truth, it is far better to move on and have faith you will find a great relationship when you are ready (have worked out your own issues and life challenges) and are open to a relationship based on love, trust, passion and friendship.
Moving on can be difficult even after you have determined it is best. When we spend months or years with another person, we form an attachment (either healthy or unhealthy) and attachments are hard to break. But in order to have your best relationship, it is a necessary process. Take your time. Surround yourself with your own support group (family, friends, pets) and be good to yourself. Believe in yourself and make an effort to become your best self. Ending a relationship forces us to grow. But you cannot move on to a better relationship unless you are willing to move forward. Know your values and what is important to you in a relationship. Have faith. Those that love you will support your decisions and be happy for you when you are happy. Settling never brings true happiness.
You need not hide out to heal. Instead of self-soothing, make healthier choices. Talk with a therapist or a coach. Take a trip or become involved in new groups or events to expand your world. If these changes feel a bit uncomfortable, don’t worry! All new actions feel uncomfortable at first. But when you are honest with yourself and authentic with others, you will achieve a greater self-respect and fulfillment. Keep moving forward. Re-evaluate your life goals and create a plan to achieve them. With every step you take towards a healthier, happier, more fulfilled future you will begin to feel empowered and free.
We encourage you and wish you the best with your life changes. Please share your thoughts and experiences with moving on from a relationship with your comment below.