Confidence is one of the most desirable traits for both men and women to possess in order to be perceived at attractive. So what if you were not born with an abundance of confidence? Well, the good news is you can gain confidence easily with only a few simple shifts in your thought process and some subtle shifts in your behavior.
It is important to note that confidence is not the same as egotism or bravado. Confidence is the actual knowing of your worth with certainty, as well as an acceptance of who you are with a positive affinity and appreciation of all that you bring into any connection. Confidence is magnetic. It draws others in. It inspires and instills a sense of trust in others.
People may possess confidence in one area of their life, yet lack it in another. Usually, this stems from a fear of failure or a fear of critical judgment in the area they perceive to be not up-to-par or feel a risk of rejection. Others lack confidence because they have a deep need for the approval of others rather than a solid knowledge of what they already possess with or without approval. Regardless of the cause, a lack of confidence can be painful and limit your ability to pursue relationships, activities, jobs, etc.
The first key to understanding how confidence influences others is to realize; what we think about ourselves others believe! This is true even when our self-perception does not accurately reflect our true worth. Positive or negative, what we believe we tend to demonstrate through our thoughts, actions and words. There is a strong connection between our self-concept and the types of verbal and non-verbal cues we send when communicating. If we believe we are strong, brave or beautiful and charming, we tend to send out affirming cues that our beliefs are true. This is one reason why self-esteem and self-love are so important. [Love Yourself First] Further, since we know ourselves best, if we cling to our fears and negative internal scripts (e.g. “I blew it!”, “I’m not good at talking to people I don’t know”, “I’m not attractive enough”, “I’m not worthy”, “I cant do that”), people begin to think that even if their first perception is the opposite of your contrary behavior, over time they will come to believe what you do. They will begin to believe your fears simply because you firmly do.
Fortunately the opposite is also true.
When we possess a deep understanding and acceptance of our own unique self, and have gratitude for all of our positive facets, and forgiveness for our perceived faults, others gravitate to our confidence and self-love. We may not yet be the best version of our self, but that is okay! We are all works in progress. Simply appreciate all you offer and accept that you are unique and valuable as is, and you will remain confident in almost any setting.
Be More Confident Using These 5 Tips:
1. Take some time to know who you are and what you bring into any relationship. What are your best qualities? What do you believe about yourself and about life? The more you know yourself and are true to yourself, the greater satisfaction you will have in life.
2. Consider that everything you do well, at one point you did not do well. We all learn every skill we possess. While some may come naturally easy to us, others take a bit of faith and a few trials before we master the skill. Therefore, make peace with what you don’t know and have confidence that if you learned your other skills you can learn new skills just as easily–even those you might initially fear.
3. Choose settings you feel comfortable and go from there. It is human instinct to experience a bit of anxiety in new or unfamiliar surroundings. Give yourself the best advantage to be seen in a comfortable, relaxed and natural setting.
4. Focus on the other person instead of your own performance. Relax and smile. Really listen instead of thinking of what you will say next. Imagine that the other person already likes you and you only need to share some time and conversation to confirm that connection.
5. Set yourself up to succeed. Take a little extra time to look and feel your best. Consider what you want to talk about before you meet. Remember that a little humor breaks down barriers (just make sure it is non-offensive). Do not put yourself down even out of habit. Know what you want to accomplish (meet, get a date, express your feelings, apologize, become intimate, etc.) and think it through before you set out for your goal and they just relax, be yourself, and let things happen naturally.
We would love to hear about your secrets of confidence! Please share your stories and comments below.